My sweet Lilly, I love you

Things are about to get emotion for today's blogpost which is rare because overall I'm not an emotional person. Yesterday I got a call from my mom which was usual because we chat everyday, we talk about basically nothing but it's always good to hear her voice. I expected an ordinary conversation like always. She soon broke the news that they are planning to put Lilly my childhood dog town today. The situation wasn't something that was out of the blue, it has actually been a long time coming since she is 14 and is basically blind now. The past couple years we've really noticed that she is slowly going downhill and even had times when we thought it was the end but would miraculously bounced back. Well, it looks like she was not coming back this time, she had been recently diagnosed with liver failure and was only suffering at this point :( Lilly my little fighter had given up (tearing up as I write this). I was only 9 years old when she became a part of our family (wow.), I still vividly remember the day we went to go pick her out. When we first met, I loved that she would playfully fight with the other puppies to grab my attention and made sure that I picked her up to hold her. Out of all the puppies, I knew she had to be mine. Sweet little Lilly.

Once my mom broke the news, I thought I was fine, no lump in my throat, no tears. Everything was ok, I just let out an "awe really? where are you going to do it?" (home or vet). We finished our conversation and I was still ok when Paul & I got to our apartment. We were hanging out in the office, Paul watching the Charger game and I was on Pinterest looking at crock pot mac & cheese recipes. All of a sudden it just hit me. My eyes were full of tears and as Paul turned to say something to me I tried to look away so he couldn't see. Unable to hide my tears I said in my squeaky i'm trying not to cry voice, "I'm just thinking about Lilly" .2 seconds later, I immediately buried by face in the nearest pillow to cover my face (I'm the world's ugliest cryer) and let it all out. I thought of all our times together starting in Elementary school when life was so simple. She came with me everywhere, horse shows, vacations, sporting events, camping, she was a part of so many childhood sleepovers, birthdays, holidays and family outings, I never realized it in the moment but looking back she was a part of so much of my childhood. I wasn't just going to be loosing a pet today, but a great friend. Something you never think about when you have a great pet in your life is the moment when you have to say good-bye.  **Ok had to take a break, Paul walked in and saw me as a blubbering hot mess** Blubbering hot mess basically sums up my afternoon/evening, maybe minus the hot. I never thought it would be this hard!! Especially since I haven't lived at home for 5 years now. I'm really going to miss my Lilly but will always looks back on our time with her fondly. We plan to bury her near the barn which was her favorite place in the entire world. I will always remember her face when we said, "wanna go see the horses?" All those hours I spent at the barn, I could always count on Lilly to be by my side soaking every minute in. Alright, I'm in need of a bath right about now, something about long baths and puffy crying eyes go together. I apologize for the long post, I'm sure you all think of me now as the crazy dog blogger now, but I'm justifying this as the daughter of a veterinarian, animals have always been a part of my life and she was the best companion I could ask for.